Life is very beautiful
by goetterdaemerung
Summary: "Dearest Sebastian. It makes my heart bleed to tell you that I can't maintain our friendship any longer- the love I feel for you is against God, so that I only can hope that you won't remember me as a weak person who escapes temptation, but as a friend. Yours sincerely, Michael" What started as a friendship soon turns out to be the direct way to hell. / sebastian x OC (ABANDONED)
1. The meeting

**_Autor's note (9.11.2012)  
_**

**_This story contains Sebastian x OC, yes  
And it will also contain religion, angst, agony, depression, some sexual content and and and...  
Nothing of this is going to have real influence on the original Kuroshitsuji-Story_**

If anyone is well versed or experienced with things like PTSD, demonic possession/obsession or religion, especially in Victorian England- I would be happy if you would share your knowledge with me as a valuable addition to my own researches for the story.

Greetings,_ Vee_

* * *

_I remember your face like it was yesterday. We were standing in the yard, the roses blooming. I know that you like them in all colors. _

_Your smile was just as warm as the sun on our skin. I remember how strange I felt when you asked me whether I actually have time to be with my friends. I am working so much. Isn't it depressing and exhausting?" "No, it isn't." This is what I would have said to you if I wasn't that surprised. _

_I just shook my head. It felt strange to admit to you that I have none. You fool. My beloved, sweetheart-ed fool. You shouldn't pity me. You shouldn't offer me to be my friend. Someone as you and someone as I aren't supposed to be friends. Neither a butler and a margrave have to be friends, nor such a white lamb of god, such a disgustingly low soul as yours, and a demon like me. _

_But you offered your hand to me, thinking that I needed it. Thinking that I wanted it. Not knowing what you're letting yourself in._

* * *

"I am so excited!"  
The young man resembled quite to a flushed chicken in this moment, not knowing what to wear, anxious that something could go wrong. Maybe the cake scorching, maybe the tea spilling. What if someone slipped on the freshly cleaned floor? So many things that could go wrong...

The blonde girl sitting on the canapé just chuckled.  
"Stop worrying, Michael. Elizabeth is sure you will get along well... Will you really freak out because of what you've heard?"  
"Listen, that guy has been through a lot. And I've heard that he is quite a serious person. He doesn't socialize much... I mean... what if I annoy him? And..."  
Michael gasped for air, trying to calm down. This was the same every single time. Around half an hour before a new guest arrived he was just on the edge of his nerves, just to calm them down, turning into that coquettish and eloquent gossiper he actually was.

"Then you won't be friends with Ciel Phantomhive. And?" Jane, his fiance shrugged. "One friend less won't be the end of the world."  
Usually she was the calm, reasonable one. And Michael just had to laugh, adjusting his midnight blue brocade-vest. "Yes.. I suppose you are right... Though... it would be great, wouldn't it?" He picked up Ovus, his white Angora cat, and stroking its soft fur. "We four could do pick nicks... go together to a theater... long promenades..." The boy smiled, giving his fiance a little kiss on the cheek.  
Not that he loved her- actually he wasn't interested in women at all and still hoping this was just a weird phase … but he didn't want her to suffer from that, as this wasn't her fault...

A knock on the door. It was William, the calm butler of the Evert-household.

"The guests arrived"  
Michael threw a look into the mirror.  
The chin-length curls were in the right position. A little bit of rouge to give his pale, clean face a healthier look. A shining smile.

Time to gain new friends.

"_Life is very beautiful."_

_I just looked at you with surprise. Sometimes I feel like I am touched by heaven's light when I am around you, disgusted, confused, yet warmed by your love for everything on earth. Amused by how you speak of god, as if you really knew that he's real. I know that he is real. But you only believe it. How foolish...  
_"_I love to lie here with you... Sebastian... just listen to the wind in the leaves... the birds... that smell of forest and a fresh, soft draft of air...This is pure magic!"  
__Sometimes it is hard not to laugh at you, my little fool._

The manor was clean. The butler who received them was polite, a skilled one for sure. Sebastian just had to examine everything critically, having his eyes open for a possible threat for his master.  
The tearoom was furnished in unobtrusive creme-colors, bright sunlight falling through the high windows.  
Ciel placed himself on the armchair as soon as he was asked to take place, Sebastian just stood at his side, just as he was supposed to.  
With attentive gaze he examined that girl serving the cake, preparing three cups of tea as he refused politely.

He already could hear the footsteps of the three persons coming. The butler, calm and upright, followed by the host and his fiance.  
He already could tell from the vague hint of their souls that none of them ever had experienced something bad in this world.

"Ciel Phantomhive! I am so glad to meet you!"

The boy, sure around 15 years old, smiled nearly shiningly, shaking hands with the younger boy.  
Sebastian couldn't help it- he just had to smirk the next ten minutes as Michael Evert tried to keep the conversation alive to prevent an awkward silence- even if his nervous, profane blabber wasn't any less awkward.  
It sure was unpleasant to see, that mundane palaver and gossip didn't impress the young earl at all.

He took a closer look at the young Michael with his big, blue eyes which never had seen any of all the evil in this world. That androgynous face, reminding him of an angel- that shining purity in his heart, only flawed by that snootiness and vanity which inevitably came with such a face, was disgusting. It was no surprise that he and Mistress Elizabeth were friends... though... the demon highly doubted that Ciel could like that boy.

No, his master sure wouldn't deceive his expectations that much.

_My dearest fool... my lovely little lamb... watch your back. _


	2. I could be your friend

Aaaah, well... this took an eternity, I know ^-^  
But well... I was searching for a beta-reader and I really want to thank _PiratesCommand_ who really did the greates beta-reading-job ever u_u Thanks, thanks, thanks. Thanks. Again ^-^  
well anyways... finally, here is it.  
And then in the next one... the story will finally start. One introductory chapter is too mainstream. I wanted two xD

* * *

_"Sebastian! I beseech you!" I look down and see your face. Your eyes are filled with tears that run over your skin_  
_So soft...so crying and begging is heartbreaking, or at least it should be. But you are dead to me._

_„Please! One more chance, please! One more!"_

_You wrap your arms around my leg, as if you really think you could hold me here like that._

_"You should already be thankful that I spare your life."  
_

* * *

Even if Ciel politely tried to show interest, Michael could tell that Ciel wasa little annoyed, despite the fact that the other boy politely tried to show interest in their conversation. He felt the left corner of his mouth twitchnervously, He needed a good plan. As he was thinking, the solution just happened to walk in, calm and gracious as always, with a vague aura of strength and authority.  
"Mother!" A shining smile appeared on the boy's face as he saw his pregnant mother walk into the room. He stood up to hug her.

The boy sighed ashis mothergently pushed him away, holding him at arms length. "Not in front of your guests," she whispered,sighing.

Ah, yes Keep your dignity,stay calm, and don't talk too was easier said than done for the young man.

Ciel attempted to look like he was really listening to the other boy, even if itonly entered into one ear and left out the other. He tried to stay attentive to his host.  
Michael had said something about the weather. Or was it flowers? Ciel wasn't entirely sure what the actual conversation was about. He just nodded as if he approved, once in awhilesmirking when it looked like Michael or Jane made a joke.  
He was relieved when the boy's mother walked was Katharina Evert, formerly Katharina von Loeben before her thought it was possible that he had seen her one other time, but he knew for sure that she and his own father had some form of contact fromwhen they had happened to meetat ome social event. Their conversation had always been:_ "____Hello, good evening. How are the children? How's business?__" _

Finally, Michael saw the daylight.  
Katharina tried to helpher son without the others noticing her,or rather,without the visitors noticing. She was trying to point inconspicuously at the chess board near the window. It took Michael some moments to understand the eye signals his motherwas giving him. Oh, right.  
Jane looked satisfied as Michael asked Ciel to play a round of chess with had wanted to give him the same hint, thoughshe had not been able to do so, as she was sitting vis-à-vis with Ciel and Sebastian.

"Yes, sure." Ciel nodded.  
Michael couldn't help but be happy and relieved that the awkward situation had been avoided.  
It looked like Ciel had accepted out of a true desire to play, and not only because of courtesy. Even though... Michael grimaced slightly. Chess was exhausting and too complicated to be an amusing activity. He much prefered gambling.

Michael took his place opposite of Ciel while Jane sat down beside him. She didn't want to sit alone as they played, and Michael assumed that she didn't want to leave him alone with Ciel either. Her presence was as calming as always.

"Ciel?" Michael asked.  
"Yes?" Ciel answered.  
"Could we play cards? Then Jane could play with us...and..."  
"I see. Yes, we can."

Michael frowned. That inflection...It was just as if Ciel knew that he was a rather bad chess player and also sometimes quite a bad loser.

* * *

"Aren't they beautiful?"

Sebastian frowned, looking downat the boy who was standing in front of him. Michael was looking upat him as if he was expecting something."Yes, Mr. Michael, the roses are very beautiful indeed."

The demon threw a glance at the three other young people. Ciel was with Elizabeth and Jane on the terrace of the Howens Manor. The family would soon be bound by marriage to the Everts, whose only son was right now enjoying himself between all the blooming roses.  
Sebastian's eyes wandered back to his young master. He had no doubt that Ciel did all this for Elizabeth, rather than because he liked the cheerful young couple.

"Mr. Sebastian, I am curious. May I ask you something?"

Sebastian had a hard time trying not to chuckle. The shy behaviour of this boy was...refreshingly cute. Michael's attraction to him was quite obvious. He saw everything, even if the margrave thought he wouldn't notice his desiring, slobbering glares.

"Sure." He smiled, his gloved hand placed on his chest.  
"Do you actually have any free time?" Michael asked, frowning. "I mean...it sure must be depressing and exhausting."  
Sebastian frowned for a short moment, his eyebrows raising a little. That was..unexpected.  
"How do you mean, Mr. Michael?" he asked politely.  
"I mean... being a butler...sure is..a lot of work. It takes a lot of time. Doing the same things every seems quite monotonous and..."  
"I understand." Sebastian finally interrupted as he saw that Michael didn't know how to finish his sentence. It was amusing because he knew that Michael could simply ask his own butler. _Little bootlicker..._

"To answer your question, sometimes it is. And no, Mr. Michael. I migh not havemuch time for my friends, but that is not a problem as I have none. Although I am perfectly fine with it."

It was amusing to see the boy's eyes widening in surprise and disbelief. But then...Sebastian was taken aback. He saw pity in these large, deep blue eyes. Did this boy really pity him?

"Everyone needs friends!" Michael insisted. "I mean...I mean...how can someone possibly BE FINE WITH IT?"

How cute. Did he really think that his own view was the only right one? The demon frowned, trying to find a proper answer. He couldn't decide if this was actually a real question. What a weird situation.

Luckily the boy began to speak again.

"You seem to be nice. I could be your friend, Mr. Sebastian."

_I feel like I am dedicating my life to a flower; fragile, tender, beautiful, harmless,and fleeting. But you won't die away. You're mine. Forever mine._


	3. Masquerade

Hello, dear people ~  
Well.. I want to thank those who read it until here and also and especially_ PiratesCommand. _Thank you very very much for betreading x3

_Have fun_ x3

* * *

_The living are so amusing. They love, they hate, they fear and sometimes they are brave. Sometimes a child hides himself crying in his parents bed, but there comes the day when it has nomore fear._

_We hate some people, and learn to love others. Friends turn out to be foes and sometimes, in our darkest hour, there is a helping hand from someone we would never have expected._

_Yes, the living are fight each day against their fears and their own darker sides, making both enemies and friends so that they will not be alone and helpless in this cold, cruel world._

* * *

"You seem to be nice. I could be your friend, Mr. Sebastian."

Of course Michael had many friends, though he wouldn't consider any of them more than close acquaintances. In actuality he didn't have many real friends at all. Nonetheless it was perfectly fine like that . He had enough people to amuse himself with.

The boy smirked as he saw how confused the butler was. Michael had expected Sebastian to be perplexed.

"I feel very honoured, Mr. Michael." The tall man placed his hand on his chest, slightly bowing.

How graceful... Michael had to admit that he felt enchanted by Ciel's magnificent butler.

"Friends?" the boy asked with a smile, raising his left hand in order to shake Sebastian's.

"Yes."

The boy was well aware of the fact that someone of his standing usually looked down on a mere servant, even if a butler was considered much higher than the rest of the staff.

Still, it was fun to see how easy it was to be seen as a _saint_, a clement and thoroughgoing role model. People loved him for what he pretended to be.  
And he loved his perfect mask, loved to make his whole life like some piece of theater.  
_Sometimes he was so good at pretending that he even fooled himself._

* * *

The silverware was perfectly polished, the flowers everywhere in the manor fresh, all the shelves perfectly free from dust. The garden was green, the grass exactly 3 centimeters thick. The roast was in the oven, the tea set aside to steep. Everything was perfect, just as his young master expected.

Slowly Sebastian raised his head, seeing his own reflection in the mirror. Everyone called him _perfect._A smile appeared on the demon's lips. He knew that he was incredibly skillful-far above a normal human.

He knew that he was more attractive than other men, knew that he could do everything better than everyone else. But somehow it didn't give him any satisfaction. Being what mortals called _perfect _was unsatisfying. It didn't make him feel any less empty.  
_But maybe it was just the hunger._

"Sebastian! Why are you standing idling around?"

He The butler could see his young master in the reflection of the flawlessly clean mirror. He felt the boy's irritated glare burning into his back.

"I have finished my work for now, young master," Sebastian answered.

Sometimes he felt like a real Cinderella...

Sebastian closed his eyes for a second before he turned around, politely bowing. "Is there anything I can do for you, young master?"

"Yes. There are rumours that there are plans for an assault on a masked ball next week at Devonshire manor. We are supposed to prevent this from happening. Prepare everything for our visit there. And see if you can find anything helpful. I don't want to be there for longer than necessary."

"Yes, my lord."

* * *

Laughter and the clangor of wine glasses being tapped together could be heard throughout the room. Everything in the golden light of the chandeliers sparkled with different colors as they were seen through the crystals and pieces of stained glass which hung from the colors matched the milling mass of opulent gowns, venetian masks, feathered headdresses and flower arrangements that filled the room.

What an abundant gathering of people who had too much money and too much time to spare.

At least that was how Ciel felt while entering the ballroom.

The mask Sebastian had prepared was uncomfortable, but at least it's simple midnight blue suited his clothing. He had never been fond of bright colors and pompous styles; just the opposite of a certain young gentleman he just spotted among the dancing other boy was prancing over the dance floor like a true bird of was dressed in flamboyant red clothing, with generous golden applications and so many colored feathers, and synthetic flowers, that Ciel wondered how on earth Michael managed to fit them all on his head.

Yes, Ciel had a good eye for recognizing people from how they moved, ressed, and behaved. And last but not least, such a skinny, elfin stature like Michael's was rather unusual for the upper class who could afford cake and generally abundant meals each day.

"Sebastian, be attentive," Ciel finally said after having won a vague overview of the situation.

Sebastian frowned, though it was hidden by the black and silver mask he was wearing. For this one evening he wasn't the Phantomhive butler. He was just an anonymous young man who was able to afford suitable clothes and who had the needed contacts to get an invitation. He stood there for some minutes, just observing the lively celebration.

A pleasant smell caressed his senses, tender and was like the feeling of warm, sweet breath whispering softly into his ears, mixed with the smell of conifers and wild flowers.

Sebastian would recognize it anywhere, and it led him past the dancing couples, and small groups of guests with their glasses in their took him past the ladies with their fans and glamorous masks; through a sea of flashy perfumes and whiffs of souls. He never once lost track as he was drawn outside from where it came from.

After all, it was his nature to be attracted to what he lacked, to wish to possess it,to conform it to himself.

The night was pleasant, a clear starry sky, quite warm for that advanced time of the evening.

As Sebastian came out onto the terrace, he noticed he and the boy he sought were not the only ones was glad of that however, for he didn't intendc on being alone with the margrave. He knew that no matter what he would do, it wouldn't be able to satisfy him. It was best he decided, to do nothing at all.

Michael was leaning on the marble balustrade, having a wonderful view over the gardens of the manor.

"What a pleasant evening," Sebastian said, stopping at Michael's side and placing his gloved hands on the perfectly even surface of the railing. A smirk appeared on his lips as he saw how surprised Michael was. He seemed to be distracted. Was he in thought? Maybe.

"Yes, it's lovely." Michael smiled as he looked up to the stranger in black. What plain clothing...

His feet hurt terribly due to the high-heeled shoes he wore. They were made in the french 18th century-style, incredibly chic but also extremely uncomfortable. But he just couldn't bring himself to put on other shoes. The ones he currently wore fit perfectly with his outfit. After all, those who wanted to be beautiful had to suffer for it.

But then... the man beside him looked perfect, at least so far as Michael could tellt, and he didn't wear anything uncomfortable or extraordinary.

Though... wait...  
Those auburn eyes with long perfect lashes,the hair...  
Michael nearly facepalmed because of his absence of mind. Did it really take him that long to recognize the other man?

"Sebastian." A grin appeared on Michael's lips. He had swabbed them with some reddish beeswax to make them match his clothing.

"Aaah, I thought you wouldn't recognize me," the tall man answered with an incredibly charming chuckle. He seemed to be very amused by the boy's reaction.  
Michael chuckled too, simply because it seemed to be the best thing to do at the moment.

"I am really surprised to see you here, mister Sebastian. Are you with Ciel?" he asked, moving to sit on the balustrade.  
"Yes I am... though... would you do me a favor, Mr. Michael?"  
"Well.. I suppose I could. What's the matter?"  
"Please, don't tell anyone we are here... not now and not at any other time. My master wants to stay under cover."

Michael frowned. What a strange thing to ask... after all they would be easily recognized with Ciel's eye patch and... ah, who cares?  
"Sure," he agreed. After all, it wouldn't be troublesome not to mention their encounter.

._.-._.-._.-._.-._.

Michael was talkative... But strangely Sebastian didn't feel annoyed.

God... love.. peace... heaven... angels... Sebastian was amused as he listened to Michael. The demon would ask him some slightly critical questions from time to times and even got them really answered. Even if he disagreed with many of Michael's points, and even if he knew that many of his assumptions and beliefs were simply _inaccurate, _he had to admit that the boy definitely didn't lack a strong faith.

How odd humans could be... Sebastian had doubts as to whether he even _wanted_to understand these strange creatures.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"My feet hurt like hell," Michael complained as he sat down on one of the marble benches in the had spent around half an hour walking among the shrubs and flowerbeds.

Sebastian silently watched the boy as he took off his shoes, letting his eyes wander from the small feet up those longlegs that reminded him of a eyes traveled up the fragile, delicate upper body, taking in the long, dainty neck and that pale, androgynous face with large, blue eyes. He noticed the narrow eyebrows, the high cheekbones,the rather thin, but sensual lips. Yes, Michael's face was far more than just pretty, and his false modesty was amusing.

Sebastian wasn't sure how much others could see through the boy's excellent acting, but the butler could tell that this boy was very well aware of all of his qualities.

"Maybe we should return to the ballroom. After all... I want to make sure that I get some more glasses of champagne before there is none left..." Michael said with a chuckle , quickly putting his shoes back on.

"Yes I suppose you're ri-" He stopped as he heard a loud bang, a sound harsh enough to even be heard by humans.

Something had happened.

"_Young master__,_" Sebastian gasped with widening eyes.


	4. Lonely

Hello, Hello. Sorry that it took some time. I was so fucking unmotivated to continue writing ._.  
But somehow I did it anyways ^-^ Thanks to PiratesCommand for betareading. I don't think I can say thanks often enough ^-^  
And sorry that it's a short one this time ^^

* * *

Ciel's mind was surprisingly empty . He heard the shot and the scream,  
saw the blood, but it didn't even hurt. It was close enough to kill him. But he was alive and felt no pain.

Then he realized.

The bullet that was supposed to kill him missed its target.

She saved his life, there was no doubt about it.

"Elizabeth!"  
Ciel's eyes widened as he saw his fiancée on the floor, the costly tailored dress bloody.

"Young master!"

Ciel heard Sebastian's voice and felt the demon's hands on his shoulder, dragging him away from Elizabeth.

The music stopped.

Someone called for doctors.  
And while the men with white lab coats surrounded her, Ciel just stood there, motionless, petrified.

She had saved his life.

* * *

"Young master... you can visit her if you want to. Her life is out of danger for now."

Ciel just stared out of the window, ignoring Sebastian's words for some time . This was the most horrible night he had had in the last few weeks. He couldn't sleep at all and had been constantly worried. Even if Elizabeth was sometimes exhausting, annoying and flashy, she was his fiancée.  
She was the only one he had. The only one he really cared for.

"Sebastian. Come here."

The demon could already tell that nothing good was about to happen. He suffered with his master-not because he cared for Miss Midford- but because he knew that sooner or later he would have to face the consequences of his failure.

Sebastian knew that he should have been there to protect his master. If Elizabeth hadn't appeared suddenly to hug the boy, the bullet would have hit Ciel. He would be dead and their contract null and void. The demon tried to calm down, to keep his hands from trembling, because he didn't want Ciel to know that he was afraid.

Yes. The demon was afraid that this might be the end.

But no. Nothing had happened to Ciel. So the contract was still valid.

Nevertheless Sebastian would have to bear the consequences, because he knew that Ciel would blame it on him.

And deep inside, Sebastian knew that he was right. Just one moment of distraction had been enough to shake him to the core.

The demon approached slowly, insecure about what would happen next.

He stood motionless, as if he had been struck by lightning, even seconds after the punch.

His crimson eyes were wide open as he stared at his master in disbelief. Of course, he had been slapped from time to time in the past. And it hadn't bothered him.  
Even this punch, right in the middle of his face, didn't hurt that much, at least not physically.

But the message couldn't be any clearer.

"I don't want to see you. I recommend you stay out of my sight while fulfilling your duties," Ciel said coldly. "Call the carriage. I want to visit Elizabeth."

"Y-yes my Lord..." Sebastian felt his hands trembling, his voice stuttering slightly. The demon was horrified by his master's order.

* * *

An awkward silence filled the carriage.  
As Ciel recognized that no one else could accompany him appropriately, he just decided to ignore Sebastian as if the demon wasn't there at all.

He could tell by the demon's face that he was worried. Did Sebastian worry about the contract? Ciel was very well aware that the demon was bound to protect his master only, and no one else. Or at least... he never ordered him to protect anyone else. But still, he felt like Sebastian had failed.

And the moment Ciel realized that Sebastian had finally failed at something, he smiled, feeling utterly satisfied.

* * *

"Ciel..."

Elizabeth smiled as she whispered her fiancées name.

Ciel felt terrible seeing her like that. So vulnerable, weak and calm... He had to admit that no matter how annoying she might be, he preferred her to be cheerful, loud and intrusive.

"Elizabeth, I can't express how much I wish I could do something to ease your pain... I promise the one who did it will pay for it. I promise, Lizzie."

He held her hand as he spoke those words, feeling more and more guilty for her pain. Her shoulder... he knew that she would have to carry that scar forever. And he just hoped that it would heal properly.

"Ciel... don't talk like that. I am so happy that you are alright. I will survive." She smiled weakly, squeezing his hand. "I am so happy that you came so quickly to see me, Ciel."

The corners of Sebastian's mouth twitched as he watched the engaged couple.  
He had never seen Miss Elizabeth like that before, so content, even if she was seriously injured and Ciel was so protective as always...

Deep inside Sebastian felt something kin to jealousy.  
He thought of Michael and Jane. They were such a happy couple.  
He thought of Aberline who would soon be father of a happy family.  
He thought of Soma and Agni who really cared for each other.  
He thought of the family Ciel would have had if his parents were alive.

He thought of himself, and how he felt like something deep inside was about to break.

And suddenly Sebastian felt like the loneliest person in the whole world.

_Yes, the living are so entertaining...  
__They put on masks , trying to fool others, and sometimes even themselves as well.  
__Some of them start feeling things they never felt before, others see a_ _part of themselves disappear.  
__Yes, this world is cruel.  
__And that's why everyone has secrets they_ _hide __s_ _from everyone else... for their own protection.  
__But sometimes our secrets become uncovered..._

Sebastian sighed as he entered the office of his young master, seeing the boy asleep in his chair. For a brief moment a smirk appeared on Sebastian's lips as he stepped closer to place the post on Ciel's desk.

Just as he was about to turn around again, he discovered that one of the letters looked different than the one wasn't addressed to Ciel Phantomhive.  
It was meant for him. Sebastian Michaelis.

With slight curiosity, the demon glanced at the envelope in his hands, not able to recognize the handwriting on it. He decided to just to open and read it, his curiosity becoming stronger. It was quite strange as he hardly ever received letters..

„**I know who you are."**


	5. The Lovers

I love you. Not in the romantic way, but in the "I am so happy"-way.  
I really want to thank for all these reviews that made me so happy. i want to thank for the facs, for following- even just for_ reading. _And I want to thank my awesome beta-reader. Again  
This chapter here is for you. And all the chapters that are up to come are for you too x3

Oh and a little suggestion-  
"The Lovers", from the Soundtrack of the movie _"The painted veil"_. A wonderful movie and a beautiful track. Yes... this is where the title comes from. Yes, I feel like sharing my thoughts ^-^

* * *

_I know who you are._

Sebastian frowned as he read the sentence, deciding to examine it closer in his own left his master's office with calm steps, walking through the corridors and finally entering his room. He closed the door.

_I know who you are._

Whoever wrote this, covered his tracks perfectly. Or at least Sebastian automatically assumed that this letter was written by a human, as he supposed that any demon and reaper would not really care what he was.

There was no suspicious smell on the paper, nor was the handwriting recognizable to him. The paper that was used was absolutely normal.

Sebastian frowned, feeling slightly insecure. For the first time since he had formed the contract with Ciel, he really felt was facing an opponent he didn't know .

Who could know about him?

The servants? By God, never...

Michael?

Sebastian frowned. No, the boy could not have noticed it since there was nothing to notice.

Some of Ciel's enemies?

Suddenly Sebastian had the sinking suspicion that it had something to do with the incident at the ball... But he was still not sure. How bothersome that the culprit could escape without leaving any evidence ...

* * *

It was calm in the forest. Michael enjoyed the singing of the birds, the rustling of the green leaves and the feeling of being alone. Sometimes it was just what he needed. Being alone, undistracted by his life.

His mind was occupied by the memory of the evening a week ago.

He didn't particularly think about all the fun he had there, or how much his feet had hurt. Even the long walk with Sebastian was only secondary in his thoughts. He was only worried about Elizabeth.

Even if they weren't close friends, the boy liked her very much and was of course concerned about her health. That poor girl...

"What pretty flowers!" he said to himself as he looked up, seeing a clearing from where he stood.

Mindlessly the boy left the path, making his way through the branches of shrubs and over roots, until he reached the forest glade that was bathed in golden sunlight.

Laburnum and chamomile bloomed there, together with cornflowers and a few bushes of wild roses.

The boy smiled happily as he started picking was sure Elizabeth would be happy if he were to bring her some of these.

He heard the sound of a branch cracking under the steps of someone, and turned around. A smile appeared on his lips as he realized who it was. What a wonderful coincidence.  
"Hello Sebastian," he said happily, relieved that he had thought of putting on some decent clothes. Even if it wasn't as complicated and fancy as usual, it was still classy and pricey enough to suit his standards. At least for a walk in the woods.  
It would have been embarrassing to stand in front of such a man in poor clothes.  
He didn't own any anyways.

._.-._.-._.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Michael," Sebastian said, a whimsical smirk settling over his features as he eyed the boy.

He had left the manor because he needed some time to think, and because his master was still mad at him. But he knew that it would be only a matter of time before he would have to return to his daily duties. Not that he was by any means eager... He had simply walked into the forest, hoping to find some peace and calmness.

The demon was able to pick up the boy's scent from a surprisingly long distance away.  
He could smell his perfume now, as he was so close to him, coniferous wood and whiff of tender flowers. Such a matching fragrance... Sebastian even could imagine that it was a custom product.

He could smell the boy's soul faintly, like a shark could smell a single drop of blood in the water; insipid, sweet and ingenuous.

And the fact that he could track down something he would never even consider as prey was alarming. He had a very bad feeling about it ... but at the same time he couldn't fight it. It was like a call he couldn't disobey, similar to his master's call...but no. It was a call he secretly didn't _want _to disobey.

._.-._.-._.

"What are you doing here?" Michael finally asked. They sat together in the lush, sap green grass, enjoying the warmth of the sun on their pale skin. At least Michael enjoyed it very much.

"I needed to take a walk. It's calming here."

"Same goes for me... I love clothing and parties... but sometimes I just wish to be alone. Sounds crazy for someone like me, doesn't it?" He felt strange admitting it. Everyone saw him as an opulent socialite and a pious christian. But not as someone who wanted to be alone,- even if he knew very well that there was nothing abnormal about needing some space from time to time.

"No, not at all, Mr. Michael."

"Just call me Michael," he answered immediately, smiling at the butler. Sebastian's beauty was... sublime. He felt like he was seeing the countenance of a dark angel, mysterious, appealing, and somehow... dark. He blushed slightly as he thought of his secret dreams.

_Sebastian entering the boy's __room through the open window. It was bathed in pale moonlight, the boy __bedded in petals of roses. Everything was white, being corrupted and blackening __only__by the butler's__hands... oh how perfect the fingers under these gloves must be... their tender touch, making the boy's body burn, sweaty corpses, winding in their malign amorous__play.__  
_  
That burning feeling of shame every single time he woke up with the memory of such a dream was tormenting.  
It was filthy, wrong, and he had to admit that his forbidden desires had something...thrilling to them, though he had decided not to give in to them.

They met nearly every day at four, in the exact same clearing. Michael would come there every day, mostly for reading, but always hoping that Sebastian would be able to come too.

And most of the time, his hopes were not in vain.

* * *

"Life is very beautiful," Michael said while staring into the sky. The clouds moved so slowly as if they had all time in the world...

He lay next to Sebastian, enjoying the situation. "I love to lie here with you... Sebastian... just listen to the wind in the leaves... the birds... the smell of forest and a fresh, soft draft of air...This is pure magic!" He chuckled nervously, looking at Sebastian. He could see that the man was... confused. Surprised. It was as if Michael had just told him about a crazy theory of how nature worked. But actually he just said... the truth. Or at least this was his own truth.

Sebastian looked at Michael, enjoying his presence. In the last few days he had become used to the attraction he felt towards the boy, being able to ignore it successfully, and not be entirely confused by it.

He had more important things to worry about, but at least his master let him do his duties properly... Even if it meant he had less time for these lovely secret meetings.

"Sebastian... is there anything you really wish for?" Michael asked, slowly directing his gaze toward the demon who frowned, thinking about this question for a minute.

He could name only one thing. Ciel Phantomhive's soul.

So he just named the first possible thing a normal human would probably think of.

"Love."

Love... He knew that there was only one soul for a demon... One soul that he would love for all eternity. One soul that would keep being reborn until it found its demon. And while he looked at Michael who just smiled as he stared into the clouds, he felt a horrible suspicion arising.


	6. Sun

Well, here I am, my dear people :3 as alwayys, thanks for reading, commenting and of course for beta-reading :3  
And well.. sorry for the short chapter - it's dedicated to Sebastian's life beyond the contract and Michael's personality.  
Anyways, I promise, next one will have some more plot ^-^

The title-song this time: Sonne by Rammstein. Great, great band. Yes, I have no good title so I just insert a random song that seems matching ^-^

* * *

"I can't do that!" Michael grouched.

"Oh, Michael. Try to concentrate. Look, you have got the sequence of numbers An = 3 n + 1/7 divided with 2n^2. And now listen. Is it monotonically increasing or decreasing?"

"As if I knew," Michael mumbled with a frustrated frown. Actually he knew that he could solve these questions all by himself, but why put out such an effort if he had someone who would help him? "Oh please, John. I don't get it," he complained. After all, bellyaching about things being too difficult had always worked so far.

"Please help me!" he whispered with a slightly squeaky voice. "I really need to go soon because I have an important appointment. If I don't finish my homework today, I will really get in trouble with my teacher... and you know that he will tell my parents about it. I don't want to disappoint them!"

This was all true-though he wasn't that worried, because he knew that his friend John would help him as he always did. After all, that guy was a true genius... so Michael even didn't feel too bad about manipulating him into finishing his homework. The power in being able to bend others to his will was simply too exciting. l And besides, he didn't harm anyone by doing it, did he?

"Well. But Michael, you really need to learn this. It is not acceptable that you cheat yourself past the difficult stuff."

The boy nodded, then smiled brightly. "Oh thank you so much John! You're my savior!"  
He clapped his hands.

"Do you mind me getting dressed? Oh and I need to go to inner city. Shall I drop you off somewhere?"

* * *

It was the purest beauty he had ever seen, and just looking at her filled him with a feeling of pure bliss.

She knew that everyone in the room was bathing in her shining beauty, their reality fading away by the sight of true beauty.

The golden curls decorated with a few pearls and set in a simple updo, framed the most perfect face that God ever could didn't need a single whiff of makeup, the elegant, simple dress covering a perfect silhouette.

Michael was sure that even if she had been wearing a potato bag, smeared with mud and dung, she still would have been the most beautiful woman ever. The boy was captured by the deep sadness and loneliness in her grey eyes.  
She was just sitting there, the cup of tea empty, politely refusing the offer to bring her some more.

"Michael!"

He heard Jane's voice as she approached the table in the cozy, classy tea shop, finally making it possible to direct his attention to something other than the beautiful stranger. As he stood up to kiss her hand and cheek politely, he could see that the woman stood up to leave the shop.

He frowned as he pulled Jane's chair back, just as expected of him as she was his fiancée.

He could see the woman outside, kissing someone very familiar and Michael felt a flaming jealousy take a hold of him as he watched Sebastian kiss the woman , even if he definitely wasn't in a position to feel any such thing .

"Michael?" Jane asked as he just stood motionless behind her chair, staring out of the window.

Suddenly he freed himself from the petrification and carefully pushed the chair back to the table, then sat down again.

"I am so glad that you have time today. I really need to show you a pair of shoes I have lately seen!" she said chuckling.

"Shoes? Wonderful! You know, thinking of it, I need a new pair too. And maybe new gloves. And if I am already on it, I really should get a matching scarf...if I don't already have one..."

* * *

Feathers and shredded pieces of bed sheets covered the floor of the hotel room.

"I would love to see the face of the cleaner that has to take care of our mess." Sebastian said with a grin as he looked down at the young woman who was lying next to him.

She was unabashed by her nudity, apparently counting the bloody scratches in his back.

"Sebastian Michaelis," she repeated. "What an odd name. Haven't I heard this one before? Aaah yes, right. That one inquisitor... interesting."

"Tch. That brat named me after his dog," Sebastian answered gloomily, looking down on Naamah. Sometimes he really wondered why such a high, old demon decided to marry him, a comparably young oddball. Of course, Raym had a suspicion he didn't want to be true. It would just make things complicated.

"How annoying." She sat up, still amused by his bad temper.

"Naamah... There is a serious problem I have," he said, standing up and walking towards his pulled the folded letter out of one of his pockets.

"What's this?" she asked as he handed her the paper. "I know who you are... sounds dramatic."  
A crooked grin appeared on her lips. "But this isn't my problem."

He stood there stunned as she just put it on the night table and stood up to get dressed again. Deciding against it, she stepped back to him, placing her hands on his shoulders.

"I miss you," she whispered in his ear.

And Sebastian decided that he had still some time left before he had to head back. Enough time for more.

* * *

"_Dear God. Can you hear me? I don't know whether_ _I am even worthy of your attention but maybe you might listen to me. Please, forgive me for_ _I don't talk to you with an open heart and mind as often as I should."_

Ciel was standing at the window, staring outside. It was a rainy day,but he enjoyed this gloomy weather, for it matched his mood. It was sure that Elizabeth would survive her injury, yet he still felt the burning desire to seek revenge. To hunt down the one who wanted him dead and nearly sent the only one he cared for into the grave.

Load moans echoed in the could feel her nails piercing his skin like claws, causing a burning pain, and he felt the pure wish to tear something up, is inner beast seeking no. Not here. How bothersome... holding back... instead of giving in to his lust for destruction, along with other desires.

_"Please, send me a sign. I feel lost and lorn, always searching for the right path but I feel like I am losing it. Please, Lord, free me from my sins. I beg you, lead me back to your light. Do you even exist? How can a loving father like you tolerate so much suffering, letting this world drown in evil and decadence?"_

"Elizabeth," Ciel whispered her name as he remembered her bright laugh and shining smile. Her big, green eyes, her wonderful laugh. The only star in his world of darkness, a prison he could never escape. He knew that Sebastian would be there to drive him slowly back into hatred and despair, not willing to let go off his prey. He would drive the culprit to a place much worse than hell. He was bound and determined.

Michael. It was lust and horror at the same his mind drifted up to the boy even for a second ,it distracted him from the one he should think of-the demon he had married 5,000 years ago. The demon he had two children with.  
"I love you!"

"_There is so much beauty in this world. Please, dear God, I beg you as one of your sheep, have mercy on our souls, redeem us from the evil and sin that poisons our heart. Do not forgive only me, I want to beseech_ _you in the name of humankind. Save us, because we are lost without you."_


	7. Michael's confession

The demon's eyes were focused on him alone, relishing in his bright laughter when he accidentally stepped on Ciel's feet and the pure vitality shining in his ocean blue eyes.  
It was astonishing how different these boys were, even if they looked so similar, though two years were quite a difference in their age.

"So, what do you think, Michael?" Sebastian smirked as they stood in the foyer after Michael's attempts to teach Ciel dancing. Not a simple undertaking...

Michael lowered his gaze, smiling.

"I think sooner or later he will get the hang of it," the boy answered with a grin on his lips.

"Yes...I'm sure. Michael. I want to ask you something, if you don't mind. Can I come by this evening?"  
Now as it had been growing cooler, they had begun meeting in either the greenhouses of the Royal Botanical Gardens or Michael's balcony- which Sebastian climbed, or pretend to climb in the late evenings.

Michael blushed, slowly shaking his head. It was obvious that the boy suddenly felt uncomfortable.

"No... I don't want you to come over today," he answered, quickly grabbing his coat.

Sebastian was utterly surprised to hear that, since Michael always enjoyed their secret meetings, but he didn't do anything to stop the boy from leaving. His common sense told him that it would be best to just let him go for now.

"Good bye, Sebastian..." Michael mumbled, leaving the manor as if he were on the run.

* * *

The colors of the tents were bright, and the music was cheerful. It was the Circus, and Michael was enjoying himself at the fair that attracted many people, nobles, children, commoners, beggars and the like.- His attention was currently caught by a juggler,when he suddenly felt a hand on his as he turned around, his eyes settled on an old, wrinkly and warty woman, fulfilling nearly every cliché of how a witch probably looked.

"Let Lady Gizella tell you your future, boy." A smile appeared on her face, in which some teeth were missing.

The boy felt uncomfortable, but still, he was caught by curiosity, so he accepted. Not that Michael believed in fortune-telling, but it was fun nonetheless.

He followed the hunchbacked lady into her colorful tent, feeling as if it got much colder.  
A black cat was sitting by the edge, licking her paws. Yes, this was indeed very entertaining.

"Take a seat boy. And drink a tea with me. I am afraid my crystal ball is broken at the moment, but tea leaves are more reliable anyways."

Michael felt very strange as he sat down.  
He watched her prepare two cups of tea, feeling strange as she watched him closely while they drank their tea in silence. It did taste interesting, he had to admit .

"Is it empty? Yes? Then give me your cup."

Michael had noticed her black nails a while ago, and thought it must have been... painful, though they didn't really seemed _rotten_.

"Oh..." She frowned, placing his cup on the table. "I see death, suffering, evil and calamity. Enjoy your sunny life as long as it is bright."

Michael didn't really know what to say, for she had just said something unbelievable, seeing as things ran so smoothly in his life.

"This foretelling is for free, boy. Pray to God, you will need it. And now get out of here, ill-fated one!"

._._._.

As the boy left, her face got young again, a frown on the even forehead. "Poor child..." the demoness mumbled before taking back her shape of the old woman. She was having quite a time, entertaining herself by throwing looks into random people's futures.

* * *

Sebastian sat calmly on the edge of his bed, the new letter in his hands. Michael... he had already seen that coming, so he wasn't as affected by the news as the boy probably would have had expected.

Love... The demon bit his lip. Now there was no going was Naamah's one true love and even if she still hoped that he might someday suddenly realize his love for her, he knew that her hopes were in vain. It could take years for a demon to notice-but not five thousand of them.

And now he had lost his only friend on some reason, it left him feeling more affected than it should, because he still did not want to accept that he cared for the boy in some way.

* * *

_Dearest Sebastian,_

_W__ill you be able to __forgive me_ _for my following words?_  
_I do not wish for you to see me any longer, those secret meetings need to come to an end. I swear that it's __not __your fault, but only mine._  
_You are the most exceptional man I've ever met and will ever meet in my whole life. Honorable, honest, duteous, respectable and fair, even if you could have any woman you want, leaving a __trail __of broken hearts wherever you go._  
_But you broke mine._

_I cannot bear seeing you, knowing all my wishes and dreams will never come true__. I am __tempted by you as if you were the devil himself, as if you were the challenge of my virtue._  
_And I feel so ashamed thinking of you in such a bad way, because I know that you never intended to make me feel this way._  
_Because I know that you are a good person._  
_I wish I was stronger so that I could bear your presence, but at this point I can't continue meeting you__,_ _even if the thought of break__ing_ _our friendship makes my heart bleed._

_Losing you as a friend hurts so much, and I __wish _ _there__was_ _a way to lose these feelings, but I love you, which is against __all_ _law, __both_ _nature__s_ _and God__'s.__  
_ _I am afraid I have no other choice __but_ _to wait for it to stop, fight this longing until I am able to see you again as what you really are-a friend._  
_I beg you, don't be hard on me and try to see me as a friend, not as a poor sinner who can't stand the temptation _ _without_ _fleeing from it._  
_I am __truly_ _and __wholeheartedly_ _sorry, but I want you to know the true reason why I don't want you to visit me any longer._

_Yours faithfully, Michael__._


	8. On the road to ruin

I just want to thank the reviewers for their support :) And I want to thank my beta-reader.. for aweesome help! x3  
Well, sorry that it took long, and I am afraid for the next one it will take even longer since I will have to do quite some research for the psychlogixal aspects ^-^ *spoilering*

So this is... the quiet before the storm. Yes, yes. I love giving smal spoilers ~  
I wish you much fun :)

My song tip now: Adonai by Eths

* * *

Michael listened to the slow tunes of the piano as he lay comfortably on the fainting couch in the music room, watching Jane who was playing the piano. He admired the golden sunlight that fell on her blonde hair, her beautiful blue eyes and the full, red lips.

What a beautiful girl...

He felt bad for having to marry her, knowing that she would be stuck with someone unable to love her. It was true, he would do anything for his sweet Jane, though he wasn't sure whether he did it because he really cared for her or because he was expected to do so. Or did he care because he was expected to ?

Michael felt confused when wondering about his own intentions, even if he secretly knew very well what he really wanted.

A sigh escaped the boy's mouth as he looked down at his left hand, searching for the scar. only being able to see it because he knew where to look , since it was only a very small one. Not bigger than the tip of a needle.

* * *

The chin-length black hair lay in perfect curls, the creme-colored clothing tight yet perfectly fitting. A basket decorated with flowers and blue ribbons was in his hand, filled with freshly baked cupcakes.

The door to the mansion opened and he felt an unpleasant pain in the chest, as if he had been stabbed-at least he assumed that it would feel like that.

"Hello Sebastian." He smiled insecurely as he entered. "As soon as Jane and I heard that Ciel didn't feel well, we prepared some cupcakes for him," he explained, lifting the basket up slightly. There was a shining smile on his lips as he saw one of the servants in the background. He had to keep the facade up, since he wasn't alone with Sebastian who already knew the ugly truth.

._.-._.-._.-._.

"Ciel!"

Michael was happy when he finally finished walking through the gloomy corridors, following the silent butler. Was he mad at him? Was Sebastian hurt because of what he had done? They were friends... but he just threw everything away because he couldn't bear his own weakness.  
And now he was in Ciel's gloomy room, shyly entering it until he sat down on the edge of the bed, smiling at the boy.

"I guess you feel as terrible as you look at the moment," he teased the younger boy. "I brought you cupcakes. When I was sick Martha always baked me some..."

"Martha?"

"Yes. My nurse... sadly now we only see each other in church on Sundays."

"I see. Cupcakes you say?" Ciel coughed. "This is very kind of you, Michael."

It was just a cold, yet everyone acted as if he were going to die... maybe because his asthma made it seem much worse than it actually was. Ciel smiled at that thought while he took one of the cupcakes. "Rumors seem to spread quickly."

"Of course they do. You should know me well enough to know that I am the axis of gossip,"

Michael chuckled as he imagined himself rotating, spitting out gossip as he did. Thinking very literal was always a good way to distract himself from serious conversations when he started to feel uncomfortable, though he did it rarely since it was too childish for his taste.

"I hope you will get well soon. I will mention you in my prayers this evening," Michael said after some chit-chat.

" That is very nice of you... even if I don't think that a prayer can do anything."

Michael raised an eyebrow. Seeing the deep sadness in the boy's eye... he knew that Ciel had suffered a gently grabbed his hands without asking his permission first.

"Yes. Yes it can, Ciel. If you really believe in it wholeheartedly."

"How can I believe in something like a God if there is so much bad in the world? Tell me Michael. Why do we suffer?"

"Because it is part of God's plan. We all have a cross to carry... and some people have heavier ones... because they are able to bear more than others do ."

"It's stupid... God's plan... as if there was an old man sitting in the clouds, having cruel plans with no logic..."

"Everything has logic, Ciel... God is the force that keeps us from flying away and falling into the sky. God is the force that keeps the earth, the stars, the moon and the sun where they belong to. Darwin says that everything is just based on genetic mutation... but I refuse to believe that we are descendants of monkeys." Michael straightened up. "We are made by God, and one day we will all either go to heaven... or burn in hell for our sin, until we are pure again!" The boy took a deep breath while Ciel raised an eyebrow.

"Hell, you say. That is where I will go for what I have done." The boy closed his eyes. "But I do not feel bad about it. Because I knew that it would have consequences."

"Ciel... please... do not talk like that." Michael's facial expression softened as he smiled at the younger noble. "There's always salvation. There is salvation for everyone, for me, for people like Sebastian or my mother. For queens and beggars, for sinners and saints. Because in death we are standing as equals in front of our creator... judged... and forgiven of our sins if we repent with true remorse and deepest insight in the wrong nature of our sinful deeds. Tell me, Ciel, do you regret?"

The boy frowned, feeling as if he was being interrogated i by a policeman, and not by a boy slightly older than he was. Michael was acting as if he were the pope, no, the holy prophet in person, as if he knew God like a good, old friend.

"No... yes... some of the things I have done..." He felt strange admitting it.. but this wasn't Sebastian who wouldn't tolerate any signs of weakness. And this wasn't Elizabeth who would be terribly upset knowing why he suffered. "But what's the use of it, since it's too late? No one could ever forgive me for what I've done..." he whispered, staring at the ceiling.  
"Regret, Ciel. Pray. Because there is salvation, forgiveness and mercy for everyone." Michael stood up.

"Get well soon," he repeated with a nearly angelic smile, as if they just talked about the weather.  
._.-._.-._.-._.

Sebastian was boiling with rage as the boy left the manor, because he felt that he had been able to plant a seed of light into Ciel's perfectly tainted soul. He had to nip this in the bud before he could do any damage to this delicious soul. Nothing happened that he couldn't correct easily...

But this was convenient.

Michael needed to be silenced, not only because he tried to ruin his meal-unwittingly- but also because the demon cared too much for this human. This had to end. Now.

Michael had to be silenced, the sooner the better, just as all the others had been who tried to step between Raym and the perfection of his meals.


	9. Lord's prayer

_Lol... Fanfiction says this chapter has 27 words xDD_

_Ehw... sorry that it took so long but.. you know. Research, correction, motivational lack..._  
_Yes, I am desperate, because it's painful for me as a writer to put so much work in it, to watch horror movies and to research about disturbing things just to have everything authentical_  
_However, I won't say I will stop this, or only update when I got xy reviews, because I have readers, followers, and a constant reviewer (and I thank you so endlessly much, and you know that you're meant when you read this, I hope :) )... so from this chapter on... every single chapter until the very end is for all of you who support me, even without ever saying anything. _

"Our Father... Wh-wh-who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name... Thy kingdom come,t-t-t-thy w-w-w-will be done, on e-e-e-earth as it is... in Heaven... Give us this.. day our daily bread,a-a-a-and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil, Amen."

The boy's small body was shaking with cold and fear,panic rising as his sobbing caused him to hyperventilate.

His prayers were mumbled like a mantra, for he was just trying to rattle off all prayers he knew without real order, sometimes repeating, sometimes accidentally switching words or forgetting lines and mixing up sentence structures.

"Glorious Saint Michael, Prince of the heavenly hosts, who stands always ready to give assistance to the people of God." He gasped for air, feeling as if he was about to shatter into a thousand pieces, feeling as if these prayers were the only way he would be saved from the darkness that surrounded him.  
"You who fought with the dragon, the old serpent, and cast him out of heaven."

He heard footsteps.

"And now valiantly defends the Church of God so that the gates of Hell may never prevail against her; I earnestly entreat you to assist me also."

Someone was calling his name.

"In the painful and dangerous conflict which I sustain against the same formidable foe..."  
The rosary was jingling from the strength in which his hands were shaking, and he kept grabbing it like it was the only thing that kept him from falling into eternal darkness.

The boy let out a loud scream as he felt someone grab his shoulder, and he automatically tried to hit the person behind him.

It took the boy some moments to realize that he just hit the priest. "Father Moore! Oh my God! Please, I..."

The elderly man raised his hands, obviously worried. "Michael! For God's sake, what happened?"

The boy just wrapped his arms around the priest's neck, starting to cry hysterically as he hid his face in the black fabric of the man's cowl.

._.-._.-._.-._.

"Here. This will help you to calm down." John Moore smiled as he placed the cup in front of the boy. He had prepared tea as Michael changed his drenched clothes to a clean, dry cowl.

"What's this?" Michael asked after taking a sip.

"An herbal tea with some laudanum*," the man simply answered as he sat down at the small table.

Of course he was worried after seeing Michael at this late hour in such a horrible state. Michael, who never missed a Sunday Mass, seemed as if he was physically unharmed, though something was definitely wrong.

He waited patiently for the boy to calm down.

"I... know... you wonder what happened," the boy mumbled, staring at the table. "But I cannot speak of it, not yet." He shook his head. "I promise I will as soon as I can, Pater."

"I see. Please Michael, do not burden yourself for too long. You know that the church's arms are always open to hold you."

* * *

He stared at the ceiling, hands pressed to his ears to prevent him from hearing them.

_"__He is not crazy."_

_"We must not judge until we know."_

_"Maybe a doctor should see him?" _

_"Don't scream, you will wake him up." _

_"This is all Martha's fault."_

_"I scream whenever I want."_

_"This is all Martha's fault.__"_

Michael's lips moved silently to the prayers in his forced himself to keep his eyes open, hoping that in doing so he would save himself from what he saw in the darkness..

The candle that was burning next to his bed was the only star on a pitch black night sky.

He feared seeing again what he had witnessed just some hours ago..  
And he was afraid of hearing _his_ voice and seeing _his_glowing eyes in the darkness that seemed to devour the two males.. He was afraid of remembering the feeling of hands grabbing his neck, and the cold cruelty in those bestially glowing voice he heard was uncaring, as if he never meant anything to him.

Michael felt tears rise up again as he turned over, hiding his face in the pillow. He was filled with horror and shame, along with many other feelings he couldn't describe, making him feel as if he were about to burst, as if his head was about to explode, and he indeed wished it would be over. The mass of feelings and thoughts were overwhelming, and he was incapable of dealing with the horrible emptiness which existed inside of him.

He fell asleep after a seemingly endless time of crying, praying and just staring at the walls. As he finally found peace, the memory of the demon's voice echoed in his head as he fell into comforting darkness.

"_May God have mercy on your soul, Michael Evert."_

* * *

_*Laudanum is a mixture of ca. 10 % Opium and 90 % Alcohol. A popular drug, painkiller and tranquilizer in the Victorian period which was easily __available._


End file.
